Are We There Yet?

“Are we there yet?” Those four little words you hear on every road trip. I, my friends, am a road warrior. I like to leave early in the morning and not stop until I get there. Sure, you have to stop for gas and restrooms, but that’s it. I had a great plan when the kids were younger. I would leave on our road trips about 3AM. This way they would sleep for some of the time instead of fight the whole way. Not only that, but I could enjoy the drive for the first few hours. After that it was constantly those four little words, “are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?” “Are we there yet?” Usually I was “there” once we were all in the car. And I mean this in a good way. By the end of this blog I think you’ll understand.

I think I may have learned my road traveling techniques from my dad, Don Schwab. My parents had eight kids. You can ask all of my siblings and I about our dad and you’ll get eight different answers. So let me tell you how I see it. When they write a blog they can give you their perspective. Don was a very wise and strong man. I believe he loved all of his family, but me the most (again, my blog). Did I mention they had eight kids? And out of those eight there were, let’s see….hmmmm, eight smart asses! Dad was patient. I got a little impatient driving with three kids; I really don’t know how he did it. And none of mine are huge smart asses. Oh, they have their moments, but growing up one of eight you had to be REAL good or you would never get any attention. We had the Ford Country Squire station Wagon. Complete with simulated wood paneling going down the side. We had other vehicles…Dodge Van, Volkswagon Bus and a bunch of Ford Trucks that you could put an infinite amount of kids in the back. That was a different time to be sure. But it was the Country Squire that I remember the best. What I remember the most was the “goo-goo room.” What? You never heard of a “goo-goo room?” The “goo-goo” room is the place in the very back of the Country Squire that had two flip up seats that faced each other. This is good for small people who don’t require air conditioning or windows that open or any comfort what-so-ever. There is a hierarchy in the seating arrangements of a Country Squire. Mom and Dad sat up front and window. At first, I sat between them. My two immediate older brothers sat in the “goo-goo room.” The rest of the kids that happen to be riding with us at the time sat in the middle row, oldest next to the windows. I remember getting “promoted” to the “goo-goo room.” It was owned by my brother Beej and me. Usually there were four kids sitting in the middle seat and Mom and Dad kept their positions. All you really need to know about the seating order is this; it doesn’t matter where you sit, dad can still reach you. This man was no orangutan, but his arms were so long he could certainly hit you in the “goo-goo room,” the more difficult seat immediately behind him, hell he probably could have hit a person in the next car. He was that good! These aren’t bruising shots by any means, just little jabs to get your attention. Kind of letting you know if he wanted, he’d take you out. I would imagine over the course of my 12 years before he died, he heard “are we there yet?” about 1,876,423 times. And several more he didn’t hear, or maybe just didn’t acknowledge. For just having all his family in the car together, he was already there. I think my dad believed whenever you’re going somewhere with someone you love, spending time with them, being in such close proximity, you’re there!


I am reminded of this because I took a road trip with the G/F this past week. We left on Wednesday, drove over 600 miles. Skied Thursday. Woke up Friday and after a short run of the slopes, drove back over 600 miles. Occasionally she would ask me if we were there yet. Funning around mostly. Twelve hundred miles. I gotta tell ya, I really enjoyed it. We didn’t even listen to the radio most of the time. We talked for twelve hundred miles!! Folks that’s about 26 hours! WOW! That’s probably more talking than the last two years of my marriage. We talked about a lot of stuff. Why we were driving 26 hours to ski for about eight? Why her candidate for governor is better than my candidate? (she’s not). Why a Honda doesn’t have an auxiliary input so I could plug in my iPod and only one lighter outlet? How are we to plug in two cell phones and a GPS?! I have a theory why this was so enjoyable. Not at any point during our excursion did we talk about “us.” We talked about everything we could possibly talk about, stupid, stupid stuff, but we never talked about “us.” How great is it that you have something so good you don’t have to talk about it?! Guys you know what I’m talking about. You know you want to turn and run the minute your significant other says, “Let’s talk about us.” WE DROVE 26 HOURS, NEVER HAD AN ARGUMENT AND DIDN’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT “US!” This is huge. If she WERE to ask me, “are we there yet?’ I’d have to say yes. For the first time in years, I think I’m there!

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho

Ah, work. What makes us whole. How we provide for our families. What we do or what we HAVE to do. Have you ever heard the phrase, “find a job you enjoy and you’ll never work again?” Crap, really. I’m not really opposed to work, per se. I would just rather deal with individuals on an individual basis. I guess I’ve become a bit callused working for a huge corporation for the last several years. When I first got into banking, I truly believed I made a difference. And it seemed like my employer really cared. We weren’t pushing things, we were helping people buy their first home, get a new car or save for college or retirement. VERY important things. Then when I moved into business banking we were helping people grow their business and establish lines of credit. Again, VERY important things. We did it because it helped the customer and made sense. Now it seems like whenever you go into a bank your are attacked by bankers like a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat. You’re being sold stuff you already said no to and it gets aggravating. It seems whenever the other banks started losing money my employer (who was very conservative and who I will always consider the “winner” of the banking wars) tried to emulate them. Weird. What I’m getting to here is, even if you find a job you love, it can change. And if you are in corporate America, chances are it will. I’ve been on medical leave for about six weeks now. While having lunch with one of my daughters the other day she asked me if there was something I wanted to share with her. I said no and asked her why and she said I just seem so much happier and I didn’t yell at her nearly as much as I used to (I wasn’t aware I ever yelled at her). She said I seemed much easier going. The G/F says the same. I guess a six week vacation from corporate America will do that to you. I’m really disappointed in myself to let my work stress me out so much I take it out on loved ones.

At a recent gathering of old friends a buddy of mine was asked what he did. This is his reply………”I sit on a big wooden bench, with an oar that I keep rowing. All the while I am putting neo-sporin on my back from the whip marks from when I don’t row fast enough. There is a little man on a platform above me that bangs a drum.” Classic. (I want to give the person who I quoted credit for this without saying his name….if you’ve known me for longer than 25 years then you know him as the cool drummer in the HS band). I’m going to go out on a limb here and say he hasn’t found what he enjoys either. But I happen to know he is still good at what he does and it is tolerable for him. That said, I seriously doubt anyone would enjoy cleaning port-a-cans, but someone’s got to do it. The same could be said for flipping burgers or working at the bank. I guess what I’m looking for is the level of disgust we can tolerate for the compensation earned. And if I am not moved by what I am doing and I do it anyway for the money, doesn’t that just make me a whore? Probably not. I remember when my daughters were really young. We struggled terribly. At one point I was working a 7am-3pm M-F job, a 3pm-11pm M-F job and mowing lawns and delivering pizzas on weekends. I must have been a big whore then?! (Still think I had it better than the mom though! Just imagine twins with croup!) . One year I took a part time job cleaning up the slaughter house after everyone went home. THAT was the WORST job EVER!! I didn’t enjoy any of those jobs. But we always do what we have to do to take care of our family. As much as I disliked those jobs, I don’t think I ever let it affect the way I dealt with customers. I’ve had a bad run recently with checkers at the local grocery store who obviously do not like their job. They don’t greet you when you come up, don’t sack your groceries and are just unpleasant. The G/F and I got a kick out of it last week when we had to sack our own groceries then the checker asked us if we’d like help out with our bags. Really? What I wanted was to not have to ask myself if I wanted paper or plastic. And I bet everyone has experienced lack of enthusiasm from any fast food establishment you may frequent. Fortunately, Ms. Dikeman, Ms. Boyd, Ms. Woffard, Ms. Shaw, Ms. Brown, Mr. Girdner, Ms. Cunningham, Ms. Black, Ms. Bradley, Ms. Sivek and Mrs. Swope (twice) I believe really loved their jobs. These were all my English teachers from 1st-12th grades. As I think back on most of the teachers I’ve ever had, they all seemed like they really liked their jobs. And being a teacher in a class that I was in could not have been easy. I’m just sayin’. I think I was fortunate to grow up in a place and time where the teachers really still cared and really reached out to their students. Maybe not all of them, but certainly most of them. I know one of my English teachers in high school was married to one of the coaches, and these two, as a couple did more for me than I could ever tell them. I believe they both loved their jobs. Now, 25 years later I know they are both still teaching. How would you like to have loved your job that long? Last night I met a friend for beverages. I’ve know this guy since 6th grade. He is a coach in a big city school. He is also a teacher. I asked him what he taught and he told me to guess. Now this is a guy who was very athletic, smart and probably would have fun at other people’s expense (I know this because we hung around together and I did too). He went on to tell me he was a special ed teacher. When he started talking about “his” kids his eyes twinkled like I imagine mine do when I’m talking about my daughters or son. He sat up in his chair and became very animated and you could tell he really cares for these kids and loves what he does. Made me kind of proud he was a guy I hung out with! I hope these children’s parents realize how lucky they are to have him teaching their children. I’d like to give a big “thank you” to all the teachers and cops here, for I know they don’t do it for money. One of my favorite stories was one of Mother Theresa. When inspecting a rundown housing project for the homeless she came upon a bathroom and stated, “Someone sure does love Jesus. “ When questioned she went on to explain that anyone who takes such pride in their work to do such a wonderful job in cleaning the restroom to get it to shine so well really glorifies Jesus with their work. Probably what the guy who cleans the port-a-john must think as well. I guess it’s time to find something I love so I can too!

Until WHEN Do Us Part?!!!

Marriage is a great institution. But who wants to be in an institution? I’ve heard that old joke several times and it works for me. However I have people very close to me that are married and are practically an extension of each other. Actually I am a firm believer in marriage. I know this sounds funny coming from a divorced dude, but I truly believe in marriage. That said, I should also add that I believe in marriage to the RIGHT person. I was happily married for about 7 years. Quite an accomplishment until I tell you I was actually married for about 13 years. But 7 of those were happy! We dated for about 3 months before I asked her to marry me. We lived together (OMG I hope the kids don’t read this!! JK, I think they know!!) For about a year then tied the knot. In 1989 I filed the EZ tax form and in 1990 I was married, had three kids and bought a house. Taxes were a little bit different that year! Anyway……….we were married about 5 years before we knew what marriage was. We’d fight like cats and dogs, make up then fight more. It was an ongoing process. I don’t know how many times we separated or screamed divorce, but I wish I had a dollar for each time. We searched and found out what marriage really was and the next several years were great. I can truly say that we were a perfect married couple. We did all the things perfect couples did. We were volunteering at school with the kids, we were involved with our church, we judged other couples who we deemed “not as happy as us”. Everything. We worked hard to keep our marriage great. Then…………we didn’t, and got divorced. It’s funny when you work at marriage it’s an ongoing process that takes time to build, but when you divorce it’s not skidding to a halt it’s an abrupt STOP! It’s my belief this happens so your heart can continue to fly out of your chest. And that’s what it feels like until you can continue forward and pick it up and put it back. The walk is further for some than others. Fortunately for me, my walk wasn’t too long. And it doesn’t matter who wants the divorce, it’s equally hurtful. I’m sure my X will disagree with this statement but as good as I was at being married (that’s the part she will disagree with) I’m better at being divorced. The only problem with that is once you are divorced it kind of makes you gun-shy on commitment to another person. I’ve been going out with a wonderful woman for about 4 years. Every July 4th I feel the need to break up with her. I think this is so we can get back together and keep it new longer (just a theory). No doubt this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just don’t want to ever divorce her. I’ve got to get rid of my belief that marriage is the first step of divorce. I’ve experienced a good marriage and won’t settle for anything less. I am looking forward to experiencing it with her. Just as soon as I can say the word marriage and breathe at the same time. Like anything else we form our opinions on marriage from people we know or look up to. My mom and dad were married 30 plus years before my dad died. After his death, we could never get my mother to date or even consider it really. My dad was the only man she was ever interested in and NOTHING was going to change that, not even his death. They may not have had a perfect marriage, but from what I saw they worked really hard at it. One thing I remember well and picked up in my own life was there was no doubt my dad loved my mom and you better not piss mom off or dad was gonna take ya out! (Just got an idea for a future blog, “things your dad said.” My dad was a book of great quotes). I have a sister and brother in law celebrating 20 years this month. They work hard on their marriage although I bet they would both say it’s no work at all. They are truly committed to each other and are on a different plane than everyone else I know. I have a brother and a sister who are not married yet display the kind of “one-ness” with their respective other halves that any married couple would envy. These are my “marriage heroes!” And then there are others that are train wrecks waiting to happen. They aren’t committed or they are “staying together for the kids.” Just an opinion, but that is about the dumbest reason I’ve heard to stay together. I’m pretty sure your kids want you to be happy. Whenever a friend tells me they are contemplating divorce I always tell them the same thing, “Fight for your marriage until you can’t lift your arms.” Of course if you can’t lift your arms anymore, get divorced! Cut your losses and look for happiness elsewhere. But ONLY after you’ve exhausted every possible means of working it out. In the words of Chris Rock, “life is short, unless you’re married to the wrong person. Then it’s a looooooooooong time.” Here’s a shocker for you…..divorce sucks! Even if you can’t stand each other or are totally unhappy in your marriage. It still sucks. Divorce is the death of a marriage and death is very hard. That said, I’m happily divorced. I’d like to thank my X wife for us not working harder. If we did she may not have found her current husband and me my current girlfriend. Now we are both able to pursue happiness and to be models for our children. Everyone wants their children to find the right person. I’ve always told my girls to find someone who treats them better than me and they will receive my blessing. I’ll let you know how that one turns out in about 50 years when they are ready for marriage! In closing I’d like to add, it’s not the size of the ring but the size of the heart that matters in marriage (OK, I threw that one in for the g/f’s benefit!! She’s not buying the old, “your hands are too small for a big diamond” shtick). Congratulations to all the happily married couples out there. Thank you for being an inspiration to those of us trying to grasp the concept!

Editor’s Note: The G/F and I just updated our FaceBook status to confirm we ARE in a relationship. I’m only hyperventilating a little. Baby steps, baby steps!