If You Give Them Everything, That’s What They’ll Come To Expect

I’d like to start today’s blog by saying my mother, Alf, worked two jobs when I was in high school mostly so I wouldn’t have to work. Alf was the model for me on how a parent should be. Please don’t mistake me as saying she was not the best mother in the world, because she was. When I was 15 years old I received my first car. I say received because I didn’t work for it. I wish I had. My mom paid for the car with the insurance money from my dad’s death. I guess I did kind of earn it in a way. Anyway, Alf got me the car. She gave me $10 for gas each week. In those days $10 got me half a tank of gas. A half tank of gas would last me a week. She also gave me money on the weekends so I could hang with my friends and much to her dismay, buy beer. Or take out my girlfriend. Or put in the collection basket at church that she would drag me to on Sunday morning. Yes, my mother worked two jobs because she said she didn’t want me to work because I was playing sports and going to school and generally a fine young man, or so she thought. Whenever I would get in trouble at school (oh sure not very often, but every now and then) she would come to my defense. Her little boy couldn’t have done the horrible things the principal was suggesting!! I did (and then some). I was never totally held accountable for my actions. I tore up that car. I guess because I had no idea what it was worth. I’d love to have that car back today! But much was given to me. Sure, I helped out around the house. I did my own laundry for the most part. I cooked some (had to, mom was at work). I did always put a weekend night aside to spend with Alf. Usually I would party with friends all week. On Fridays I went out with my friends, but Saturdays I would normally spend with Alf. I kind of knew what I had back then. I knew my mother was the finest and knew she wouldn’t be around forever. I also knew she gave me a lot. And I began to expect it. And the little things she asked for in return like going to church with her, I began to try to weasel out of. So let me fast forward a few years. After high school I moved to Dallas. Hated it. Moved back. Guess where I ended up? Right, back with mom. I couldn’t get me shit together but she stuck with me. I lived in her house, ate her food, watched her TV because I couldn’t go anywhere because the car I got when I was 15 was long gone and I couldn’t afford a new one. Thank God neither could my mother. If she could, I’m sure she would’ve bought me one. It took me longer than it should have, but I got my shit together. I got a job and started gaining independence. I bought the biggest piece of shit car you have ever seen, an old Honda civic hatchback that didn’t have brakes. I used to have to downshift and run into the curb to stop. As I could, I’d upgrade. I started getting used to getting things for myself. Thank God!! But I wonder if it would have taken so long if I was made to fend for myself in the beginning? Or at least made held more accountable for ALL my actions. Again, I’m not trying to second guess my mom. She was the absolute best. She was left with some crazy kids when my dad died and I couldn’t imagine doing half the job she did. The woman is a saint! That and…………I may have done the same. When my kids became old enough to drive, cars appeared. Amazing!! When they wrecked those cars, more appeared! When something happened to those, yet more appeared. Something go wrong at school, daddy was there to fight battles, check grades, complain, bitch, moan, have lunch, bring tampons (yes, I still harp on that!), etc, etc. We did make them have jobs and pay for gas and socializing, but that was about it. EDITOR’S NOTE: I’M NOT COMPLAINING! I’M JUST SAYING. I’ve been blessed for the last several years to have a job that provided me with the means to take care of my kids in a manner that would allow them to be pampered to a certain degree. That said, I wish it wouldn’t have become expected. EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m very thankful my children are also thankful. This isn’t a rant to complain about them! It seems to me, people under the age of 20 just come to expect waaaaaaaaay too much to be given to them. A college education is nice, but should be paid for by the person going to school. I got thru 12 years of school without ever getting an A. When I was paying for college for the first time guess what? I have a friend that will drop everything if her kid asks for a sandwich. I just kind of think that sandwich would taste better if they made it themselves. Seems like cars, computers, cell phones, clothes, every last thing is expected now. Even after they move out. I know I’ll hear a lot of comments like, “when I was 14 I was on my own” and “IF I had kids, I’d do ……” What I’d like to know is, what are parents of 18 and ups doing now? Do you pay for auto expenses? Do you pay for college? Are there any conditions to what you will provide? Is it just me? My kids think it is. I guess the proper question is, when do we stop being a parent? Of course I know the answer is never. I also wonder if it just the fact that I have twin girls and the drama is double every time? The good news is, they aren’t exactly Baruka Salt either, although one of them is always saying, “I want an oompa loompa!” Again, I’m thankful for my kids because I think they’re better than most. But that’s what all parents think!