I WON!! I WON!!

Ya know………if I don’t start writing more blogs I’m gonna have to change the name from occasional bs to rarely bs!! Seems like last I wrote I had just gotten married and really wanted to talk about how great it is. I used to always imagine how great it would be if I won the lottery. Well friend, let me tell you I have. I’ve won the “wife lottery!” Even as I sit here writing this very blog, I feel the strength and love sitting right next to me. (and to punctuate it, she just burped and acted like nothing happened). I just get such a rush sitting next to her. Now don’t get me wrong, what’s not to love? She is wearing her fancy pajamas with a sweater on because she gets chilly. I mean nothing says “sexy” like the wool sweater and baggy long pj’s. (another burp). Hard to believe we’ve only been married a couple of months. I truly believe this woman lies awake at night thinking of ways to make me happy. I happened to mention to her in an email that I was really tired today and she picked me up with a cup of starbucks! But there is the thought that marriage is a two way street so let me tell you where I come into this relationship. I noticed this yesterday and started backtracking in my mind our earlier experiences and I see a pattern. I help her with her diet. When we go out to eat she eats until I finish my food and then I finish hers too. See, I’m a giver. Last night was extra special because when I got done with our food we got ice cream. And guess what? She couldn’t finish hers!!! But it’s not all about food. Unless we’re talking about bacon, then it’s all about food. I’m just sayin’! Right now we’re in bed. We have the Longhorn basketball game on and nobody is saying a word. We are both punching away at our keyboards in our own little worlds. But the cool thing is as far apart as we are, her in her cyber space and me in mine, we are together. Another thing I noticed the other day was whenever I get up in middle of the night to go potty (which reminds me I need to make a dr appt or quit drinking so much water) I always tell her I love her when I crawl back into bed and whether she’s awake or not she always responds that she loves me too. It’s my belief she just likes to be agreeable. I’ve used this to my advantage and recently got her blessing to go hang out with the boys for a weekend in a couple of weeks. (note to self: remind T of that weekend sometime when she’s awake). (burp). So as I sit here in our bedroom under the cloud of gas that has developed, I count my blessing. For I, my friend, have won the lottery. I may not have a lot of money, but I’m the richest person I know.

Moving On

It’s been quite a while since the last occasional bs, but thus the name. It was October 13th and things were pretty good. I had recently gotten a job!! Sounds like a small thing but I wasn’t working for almost a year. So I’ve been busy. Right before I started my sweetie and I decided to go ahead and get married. We had been toying around with the idea of waiting for awhile and going to Vegas, but decided we weren’t getting any younger. Anyway……………we are both very happy. Or at least I am. I’m sure I’ll grow on her though. I started on my last blog on Oct 23th. The title was “When I’m President of Texas Things Are Gonna Change.” But that is gonna be in two blogs from now or perhaps next election season. My next blog is going to be about the joys and bliss of marriage. So many things have happened in the past couple of months. The joy of being married to the woman I fell in love with is awesome. I’m so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her. But now I want to go deep. Something else has been on my mind as well. I lost a friend. Death is rarely welcome, but when it happens to someone so young and vibrant, it’s shocking. I’ve known this friend for both a long time and a very short time. Weird, huh? In the last couple of years she participated in a charity softball tournament with us and several reunions. We passed encouraging messages to each other on facebook and she would always post some kind of amusing quote that would brighten my day. When she went on vacation I asked her to bring me a surprise AND SHE DID! I just happened to come across it today as I was getting dressed. A stuffed javelin from her visit to Big Bend with her boys. I commented on her making jelly one day and damned if she didn’t whip me up a couple of jars. She was that kind of thoughtful. When we welcomed a visiting friend home this past summer, she and I made plans to fix her son up with my daughter. We laughed at the possibility of them really hitting it off and us becoming in-laws. Shortly after that I was offered my current job with a government agency. I was IM-ing with her and letting her know that I was getting off facebook due to “company policy.” The last thing she said to me was to get a phony name and to friend her as soon as I did. She then told me how much she enjoyed meeting my future wife and she really liked her. Always said she had good taste! She died and was buried the first week of my new job. I didn’t get to go to the funeral. So now, I’d like to say good bye to my dear friend. She’s moved on to a better place. And friend, save me a seat?! Love and miss you.

Next week, on to funny, happy stuff!

Going Postal

I’ve explained before why I call this “occasional bs.” Kind of hard for me to commit. So here it is about 4 months since my last blog. A lot has changed in the world. A bunch of miners were stuck in a hole for a couple of months, my college football season has started and ended, the Rangers won a playoff series! Maybe if I don’t write again for another four months I could start my next blog with “I can’t believe the Cowboys won the Super Bowl!” OK, on to reality.

Today I went with the fiancé to the post office. You would think this would be a very mundane event. You’d be wrong. Here is what I saw today at the post office……….

First, I got to open the door for the most pregnant woman I have ever seen. Something about a pregnant woman ALWAYS makes me smile. I don’t think it is the fact that I’m just being smug because I don’t have to endure the labors of pregnancy either. I really appreciate the commitment taken on by woman to have children. I do envy the bond they are experiencing with their unborn children. I am a father, and I love my children more than the world, but a mother feels it physically as well as emotionally. What a blessing to carry a life up to birth. I used to tell my children’s mother she was never as beautiful as when she was pregnant. I think most men (fathers) would agree.

Second, I witnessed a woman with four (yes, four) children all under the age of 6 give each of the children a letter so they could deposit it in the receptacle and then proceed down the long corridor to leave. She was walking. But she was the only one. One kid was skipping. One kid was kind of running. One kid was pretending to be an airplane. The last one was hopping. This brought back such childhood bliss. I remember my daughters skipped everywhere. Childhood innocence is one of God’s most perfect things. How I would love to be able to just skip somewhere. How I wish to walk thru a parking lot pretending to be an airplane. I guess I could. But what I’d really like is to have my childhood innocence back.

Third was the slightly older than middle aged man decked out in long sleeve button down shirt tucked into running shorts with black socks and brown sandals. Kind of says, “I’ve done my time, I’ll do what I want and don’t really give a rat’s ass what you think!” We all know this guy. Either from work or maybe our own father. My dad used to wear a bumble suit. What? You don’t know what a bumble suit is? It was bright yellow coveralls and black suede tied boots that went just above the ankle. On cold days there was a matching black sweater. He would wear this to the Safe-way store that used to be at Rundberg and N. Lamar (who remembers that?). He just didn’t care. When I let him know of my displeasure with the no-name brands of clothes (toughskins, trax shoes, etc) he got for me, he asked,”if you were on a deserted island, would you care what brand your clothes were?” The answer is “no” but even on a deserted island I WOULD NOT wear a bumble suit!

And finally a woman walks by who has to be at least in her 80’s. She stops in front of me and looks at me and asks, “how are you today young man?” Then she has the nerve to wait for an answer. The funny thing is, looking into her face I could tell she really cared and was indeed waiting for an answer. I told her I was living the dream and she was really happy with that. As a matter of fact she said, “well that’s just fine.” I will bet you this woman makes some of the meanest chocolate chip cookies around. She was just so content looking. As I visited with her I got to thinking about how when I am getting older I hope I can be as excited with each day as she seems to be.

So at the post office today what I saw were the varying stages of life. From unborn child, to childhood bliss, to me, to slightly older than middle aged man, to old woman. Quite an experience. As of today I’ve decided going postal isn’t such a bad thing.

Do You Really Have To Fly Your Freak Flag So Damn High?

Let’s get a couple of things straight right now! I do not live in Austin, I live in Round Rock and I am currently unemployed. I have not received a paycheck since January. Round Rock is located in Williamson County. Some may call it a backwards-ass county and I can live with that. In Williamson County if you’re caught with an illegal substance you’re in trouble and I can live with that. Here, if you drink and drive you’re screwed and I can live with that. People here seem to lean to the right. Vote republican in every election. Seem to be a lot of “rednecks.” There also seems to be a lot of people who open doors for you, wish you a good day and display common courtesy. I can live with all that. I was in Austin today running errands with my youngest daughter. We drove from her office on 6th street (the entertainment district) to south Austin to central Austin and back to 6th. Here is what I saw…….first off, the people in Austin drive like shit and are rude. Not all of them, just all the ones in cars! While waiting for her, there was a police action up one block. Several police cars screamed by. And a few minutes later two overweight Austin police officers pedaled by on bicycles huffing and puffing. How do they figure out who’s on the bike? Is it punishment for being out of shape? Where do they keep their coffee and donuts? You don’t see this where I live. We forced our way thru traffic on 6th and made our way to the highway where nobody would let us merge onto the interstate. It was then I realized that I was driving like an asshole too because I had to! We whipped into the Home Depot where all the illegal aliens wait on the curb for day labor. I guess all the folks got mad in Arizona and came to Austin? I begrudge nobody for bettering their life, but if I were to move to another country to raise my family we’d all learn the language and not get upset when others didn’t know ours. The fella at the key counter didn’t understand English. Really? We made our way through the day labor seekers and through a barrage of stop lights. At EVERY stop light was a person with a sign letting me know they were not on drugs or an alcoholic or anything like that. They just had some bad luck. They don’t have money for food, but looks like they have money for cigarettes. Thank goodness, I wouldn’t want them to do without the bare necessities. I guess if worse came to worse they could eat the dog that is always with them. I wonder if all the illegal aliens did go back if the people on street corners would go to Home Depot. The thing is, the aliens really will work for food. And I do respect that. I do not respect someone that begs for help if they aren’t willing to help themselves. Again, I haven’t worked in quite some time but I don’t foresee myself begging on a street corner in the near future. So we move forward up Lamar. Anyone familiar with Lamar knows it is a main road with lots of excitement and traffic. My mother would take North Lamar to the moon if it went. She passed over 15 years ago and I’m glad she loved North Lamar for she would take it to Heaven. Of course I know this means South Lamar must go to Hell but I’m a “Northy” so I believe this to be the case. Anyway…………Austin is the home of the cyclist that dominates the 3rd world country known as france every year so as you may expect there are many bicyclists. I do not begrudge them. I myself am a cycling enthusiast, tight little shorts and all! I use cycling as a means of exercise. Many in Austin use it as a means of transportation and I do applaud them. However at least one “man” out there with a purple mo-hawk and Daisy Duke shorts uses it as a stage. Parading in and out of traffic thinking I won’t run over him if given the chance. Surely I’m not alone? Austin started a campaign a few years back. Keep Austin Weird. Yeah, I get it. Austin is weird. Is anyone really proud that a famous bikini wearing transsexual actually gets votes for mayor every election? Are they proud of their children who are pierced to other children? Hey I understand individualism. I have a tattoo! I pierced my ear once. It may not seem like a big deal now but in Pflugerville in the 1980’s it was huge! I also understand the need for attention. I’m the last of eight kids. In my family you had to do something to set yourself apart from every other kid or you just got overlooked! I also know if I came home with a tattoo on my face my dad would have somehow scrubbed my face until it, or my skin came off! I passed this down to my kids I hope. Yeah they want a tattoo, but I don’t have to like it or encourage it. It’s not that I don’t want them to express their individualism. I just don’t want them to express their individualism because everyone else is doing it. Not only that, but do all these idiots know that they are going to have to grow up and get jobs someday? Can you imagine interviewing someone that looks like a lizard? Or explaining to your grandchildren that the serpent tattoo that goes from your hand, around your body and disappears in your ass is the demi-god of the occult that you subscribed to when you were 19? Think VERY carefully about the permanent things kids! Hey, I have to always explain why there is a cartoon tattooed on my shoulder and always include that I didn’t really think that one thru. Here’s another scenario for you………..I own a landscape company and need someone to help me for a day. Do I go to Home Depot for the illegal alien or a street corner for a mooch? If they are in the same place you can bet I’m taking the most normal looking son of a bitch. IJS. In closing I’d just like to encourage people to think it thru. Especially you almost grownups. Don’t blow it right before you go out there in that crazy world. And if you live in Austin now, you may not after you graduate from college. Don’t get used to wearing nothing but a thong to work!!

If You Give Them Everything, That’s What They’ll Come To Expect

I’d like to start today’s blog by saying my mother, Alf, worked two jobs when I was in high school mostly so I wouldn’t have to work. Alf was the model for me on how a parent should be. Please don’t mistake me as saying she was not the best mother in the world, because she was. When I was 15 years old I received my first car. I say received because I didn’t work for it. I wish I had. My mom paid for the car with the insurance money from my dad’s death. I guess I did kind of earn it in a way. Anyway, Alf got me the car. She gave me $10 for gas each week. In those days $10 got me half a tank of gas. A half tank of gas would last me a week. She also gave me money on the weekends so I could hang with my friends and much to her dismay, buy beer. Or take out my girlfriend. Or put in the collection basket at church that she would drag me to on Sunday morning. Yes, my mother worked two jobs because she said she didn’t want me to work because I was playing sports and going to school and generally a fine young man, or so she thought. Whenever I would get in trouble at school (oh sure not very often, but every now and then) she would come to my defense. Her little boy couldn’t have done the horrible things the principal was suggesting!! I did (and then some). I was never totally held accountable for my actions. I tore up that car. I guess because I had no idea what it was worth. I’d love to have that car back today! But much was given to me. Sure, I helped out around the house. I did my own laundry for the most part. I cooked some (had to, mom was at work). I did always put a weekend night aside to spend with Alf. Usually I would party with friends all week. On Fridays I went out with my friends, but Saturdays I would normally spend with Alf. I kind of knew what I had back then. I knew my mother was the finest and knew she wouldn’t be around forever. I also knew she gave me a lot. And I began to expect it. And the little things she asked for in return like going to church with her, I began to try to weasel out of. So let me fast forward a few years. After high school I moved to Dallas. Hated it. Moved back. Guess where I ended up? Right, back with mom. I couldn’t get me shit together but she stuck with me. I lived in her house, ate her food, watched her TV because I couldn’t go anywhere because the car I got when I was 15 was long gone and I couldn’t afford a new one. Thank God neither could my mother. If she could, I’m sure she would’ve bought me one. It took me longer than it should have, but I got my shit together. I got a job and started gaining independence. I bought the biggest piece of shit car you have ever seen, an old Honda civic hatchback that didn’t have brakes. I used to have to downshift and run into the curb to stop. As I could, I’d upgrade. I started getting used to getting things for myself. Thank God!! But I wonder if it would have taken so long if I was made to fend for myself in the beginning? Or at least made held more accountable for ALL my actions. Again, I’m not trying to second guess my mom. She was the absolute best. She was left with some crazy kids when my dad died and I couldn’t imagine doing half the job she did. The woman is a saint! That and…………I may have done the same. When my kids became old enough to drive, cars appeared. Amazing!! When they wrecked those cars, more appeared! When something happened to those, yet more appeared. Something go wrong at school, daddy was there to fight battles, check grades, complain, bitch, moan, have lunch, bring tampons (yes, I still harp on that!), etc, etc. We did make them have jobs and pay for gas and socializing, but that was about it. EDITOR’S NOTE: I’M NOT COMPLAINING! I’M JUST SAYING. I’ve been blessed for the last several years to have a job that provided me with the means to take care of my kids in a manner that would allow them to be pampered to a certain degree. That said, I wish it wouldn’t have become expected. EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m very thankful my children are also thankful. This isn’t a rant to complain about them! It seems to me, people under the age of 20 just come to expect waaaaaaaaay too much to be given to them. A college education is nice, but should be paid for by the person going to school. I got thru 12 years of school without ever getting an A. When I was paying for college for the first time guess what? I have a friend that will drop everything if her kid asks for a sandwich. I just kind of think that sandwich would taste better if they made it themselves. Seems like cars, computers, cell phones, clothes, every last thing is expected now. Even after they move out. I know I’ll hear a lot of comments like, “when I was 14 I was on my own” and “IF I had kids, I’d do ……” What I’d like to know is, what are parents of 18 and ups doing now? Do you pay for auto expenses? Do you pay for college? Are there any conditions to what you will provide? Is it just me? My kids think it is. I guess the proper question is, when do we stop being a parent? Of course I know the answer is never. I also wonder if it just the fact that I have twin girls and the drama is double every time? The good news is, they aren’t exactly Baruka Salt either, although one of them is always saying, “I want an oompa loompa!” Again, I’m thankful for my kids because I think they’re better than most. But that’s what all parents think!

WWMDS (What Would My Dad Say)

In honor of Father’s Day I wanted to introduce y’all to Don Schwab. My dad was a funny guy. He had a good sense of humor, but I don’t mean he was funny ha-ha. Please don’t think I’m saying he was weird, because I’m not. Don Schwab had a way about him that was different. I owe so much to this man. In the song “Leader of the Band” Dan Fogelberg’s chorus is, “…..my life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. Oh I’m just a living legacy to the leader of the band. I am a living legacy to the leader of the band.” This isn’t odd. Most men would consider themselves an extension of their father. What makes my dad kind of unique is he had four sons. The four of us are very different, yet we are all like him. There is more, but I’m going to get to that later. My dad had a quirky sense of humor. He had 8 kids which seemed to inherit this. He had some great one liners. Now I know I was his favorite. But he always said he loved all his children the same. One of my sisters he once said this to. “I love all of you kids the same. But I have to try harder to love you as much.” And then there was the time where on the way home from school one of my brothers got beat up pretty good. He went into the garage where my dad was working huffing and crying and grabbed a bat. My dad asked him what he was going to do with the bat. My brother replied he was going to hit the guy that beat him up. My dad took the bat and said, “Don’t ever hit a man with a bigger bat than you’re prepared to have shoved up your ass.” Nice. Whenever one of us kids would do something stupid and dangerous he would always tell us, “the hospital is the second place I’m gonna take you.” The funny thing is dad didn’t always tell us where we were going first. We all knew. He told us several times. When we would act up he would always tell us he was gonna take us to Breckenridge. Why Breckenridge? “….to get my foot dug out of your rear!” (That was said in my best Don Schwab voice. I know all my siblings who read this knew what was coming). There is no doubt in my mind that my dad loved me very much. But in the back of my mind I was afraid he might really have to take me to Breckenridge. I just really didn’t care to piss that man off. But I wasn’t afraid of him. He was funny. He was kind of scary. But he was the most loveable and greatest man I ever knew. And compassion?!! I remember when I burned down the barn when I was about 8 years old while playing with matches. I really did feel bad. We didn’t have a garage at the time so all of my family’s dearest possessions were in that barn. (to this day siblings with old photo albums have pictures that are partially burned). I waited in my room for the wrath of dad that I thought might just be the end of life as I know it. He actually pulled the old, “I’m not going to spank you because I think you feel bad enough.” AND HE WAS RIGHT!! What kind of parent can pull that off? (a couple of years later he told me one of the reasons he didn’t spank me was because he was so mad he was afraid he might have killed me. Talk about control!) Dad died when I was 12. He had come home for lunch and told me to clean the garage. I was pretty pissed off because I had planned to walk to 7-11 to purchase a slurpee. My last words to my father were, “I hate your guts!” His last words to me were, “well I love you.” He and mom left and were in a car accident on their way back to work. I don’t dwell on my last words to him. I know he knows how I felt about him. In the twelve years I knew him he instilled values that I still hold today. In my daily interactions with people, especially my own kids I always contemplate WWMDS (what would my dad say)? My idea of right and wrong may differ from other people, but I stand by them. Just as he would stand by his. I’ve always considered myself to be a good father. I am because he was and he showed me how.

Now for the “more.” I was telling someone the other night of one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced. This is watching my son be a father. I see him act like me. I also see his son act like me. It’s really quite interesting. I see my father, myself, my son all in his son. The mannerisms are uncanny. When my son was talking to his son this past weekend, he was saying the same things I said to him. The same things my dad said to me. I really had to just sit back and bask in the glory of parenthood and grand parenthood. That evening we were at a party where several of my nephews were. I cannot tell you how taken aback I was when a new one would come in he would say hi to everyone there, but would hug me, my brother and his male cousins. We all have that “Don Schwab connection” I wonder what my dad would say about that?
Being a father is the single most important thing I do. It is important because it has a direct impact on how my grandchildren will be treated. Granted all the stories my children tell about me aren’t good. I don’t always make them happy with my parenting, but they cannot doubt my love for them. I always like to tell them, “you will have hundreds of friends, but I will never be one of them. I’m your parent, not your friend. I love you more.” I bet my kids use that one down the road!

Happy Father’s Day!!!!

Business Ethics. What?

I’ve had several companies come out lately to give me an estimate on a new roof. What a bunch of crooks. I guess roofers aren’t interested in their reputation as a bunch of ambulance chasers? I can’t tell you what a pain in the butt it’s been. Everyone wants to know how much the insurance company will pay, and that is what the estimate is. Amazing! I’ve started telling them I’m paying out of my pocket, and they start in with, “let me talk to you insurance company and I bet we can get them to pay for it.” People wonder why insurance premiums are going up. I had one guy come on in, pull the old, “let me call my manager” and ask me for a beer. I gave him one so he would stop shaking so bad while he was writing the estimate. I told him if he said the word “insurance” one time I would throw him out. He called me back the next day to tell me he’ll beat any price I’ve gotten so far, just let him know. He’d have to pay for it out of his own pocket, but I guess since he liked me so much (even though he just met me) he was willing to do it for me. What a great guy! If I had another beer, I’d give it to him. I had a friend of a friend come give me a bid as well. This is a guy who works for a roofing company, but he and someone else are going to start their own roofing business. I would be their initial client. Now I’m not opposed to that. I’m a businessman too. I know everyone starts somewhere. BUT….if I’m your first client, you better not be my highest bid. Mutt and Jeff came out next. These guys had a hard time with the ladder. If you can’t work the ladder, chances are the roof’s gonna give you some trouble. At least they were able to break one of my gutters too. The only thing these guys had going for them is they were both fat and bald. Who doesn’t love that?!!! One guy told me he was coming out that afternoon when he got off of his real job. At this point, I was kinda interested. He wasn’t able to that afternoon because of thunderstorms. He called to say he’d be there in the morning between 7 & 7:30. “Sure,” I said. In the morning he called to let me know he was stuck in traffic but would be there soon. About 8 he calls to tell me he’s outside my house but doesn’t have a ladder big enough to get on my roof. What? I still haven’t seen this guy, but really want to because this is the kind of Einstein that you have to see to believe. I’m picturing a heavy fella with bad teeth, smoker stench and a vocabulary only comparable to a rock. I’ll let you know.
I’ve also looked for engagement rings this week. Again, a bunch of crooks. I talked to a diamond broker who swore he had a terrific diamond for me with papers. I met him at a neutral location. What he had looked real nice so I suggested we go to a jeweler so they could give me an appraisal. I told him if the diamond was everything he said it was I was going to take it. Here’s the deal….if you’re selling a piece of shit, why follow the guy to the appraiser? Especially since it was so far away. The funny thing is, the appraiser (who I know) told me when they guy walked in the door he’s a crook and told me what I can expect to see in that diamond. That’s exactly what he had. Told me the guy had been there before. Of course you can’t hardly walk into a diamond store and expect customer service. I don’t really care to ever do this again. It’s a shame something as wonderful as getting married has to be spoiled by the greed and dishonesty you have to go through to get a diamond. IJS

What I want to know is, what happened to people who tell you they’re going to do something and actually do it? Or tell you they’ll be somewhere at a certain time and are actually punctual? I work with someone who has never been on time for a meeting (when he shows). What I really like is when he throws all the blame on me. “Sorry I can’t make it. Buddy didn’t send me the email.” Let me go on record as saying if we have a 2 pm appointment, I will be there at 1:45pm. I would like to quote one of my old bosses and probably the biggest influence on my adult and professional life. Gene Seaton once said, “We work from 7am to 3 pm. That doesn’t mean we come in the door at 7, that means when I come to the back at 7, you better already be working.” I’m gonna go ahead and quote him again just because it was the best line a boss ever said to me. “We don’t call in sick because we don’t feel good. I haven’t felt good since 1967 and I’ve never missed a day of work.” I also like to throw this in because his youngest son was born shortly before 1967. I now know why he stopped feeling good. Mean Gene (this is said with the most respect) told you what was on his mind. If you didn’t like it, that was too bad. He took care of business and he worked you hard. At times you may have thought he was just plain evil, but he would NEVER ask you to do something he wasn’t willing to do. And if anyone got in your way while you were doing his bidding, well, God help that person! (Reminded me of my brothers growing up. They beat me daily. But nobody else better not look at me wrong. I remember two of my brothers playing hacky sack with a bully who was quite a bit older than me once on the bus). Gene was all business, all the time. This is the refreshing kind of punctuality and honesty that I miss. IJS.
Roofer starts on Monday. I’ll let you know if he shows.